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The Daughter Trap: Taking Care of Mom and Dad...and You, by Laurel Kennedy
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In the tradition of The Feminine Mystique and Backlash, a groundbreaking look at a social cyclone heading straight for Boomer women When aging parents need help, they turn to a daughter. This book answers the question "now what?" and helps women successfully juggle caregiving, careers, kids, siblings and marriage on their own terms. It's all about new options, clear priorities and no guilt.
Twenty-five percent of Baby Boomers now have a senior parent living with them, and almost a third of American workers care for their parents. But what no one has pointed out, until now, is that Boomer eldercare responsibilities usually fall on the daughters, who are also often caught between the competing demands of a working spouse, school-aged kids and a full-time career.
The Daughter Trap is the first book on the market to simply say it like it is: women get stuck in the caretaker role--whether they like it or not; and whether they're prepared for it or not. The author shows how this happens over and over again and explores why women let it happen. Drawing on years of original research, as well as interviews with business leaders and the personal stories of individual women, The Daughter Trap not only identifies the problem but also provides concrete and actionable solutions with takeaway lessons readers can apply to their own lives.
- Sales Rank: #2326107 in Books
- Published on: 2010-04-13
- Released on: 2010-04-13
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.67" h x 1.21" w x 6.46" l, .90 pounds
- Binding: Hardcover
- 320 pages
From Publishers Weekly
Is caring for elderly parents the responsibility of families, government, nonprofit groups, religious organizations, business, the community—or all of the above? Kennedy, founder of the Boomer consulting firm Age Lessons, says all of the above in this scattershot polemic, not quite a call to arms and not quite a practical guide for adults facing the problems of helping older parents near the end of life. The author's argument that daughters, or daughters-in-law, are the primary caregivers for elderly parents, is contradicted by a Met Life survey she cites showing that 40% of caregivers are men; as well, she devotes a chapter to sons who provide care. Kennedy asserts that the women who fought for child-care services 30 years ago should now form a movement for elder care, yet that child care movement was far less successful than she claims. Most of the book argues points that are already obvious to caregivers, yet the part of her case that is aimed more at policymakers is too thin to be persuasive. Her practical suggestions are scattered and often dependent on persuading businesses to support caregiving employees. (Apr.)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.
Review
Silver Anvil and National Telly Award winner Kennedy presents a razor-sharp tome on the impending national crisis in elder care. If you think her argument that "elder care is perceived to be a daughter’s obligation" is just an assumption, consider the statistic that "women lose an average of 11.5 working years because of caregiving responsibilities; men just 1.3 years." There is no doubt that her cries for a revolution are justified and that the timeframe is urgent (the over-65 population is growing nearly four times faster than the under-65 group). Covering everything from statistics regarding the state of care now to the gender gap in caregiving, this book is intended to scare most of us with aging parents into action. Recommended for absolutely anyone with a mom or a dad. --Library Journal
Laurel Kennedy does for caregiving what Betty Friedan did for marriage and motherhood. The Daughter Trap says something new and important about aging, family and caregiving in America today.
--Jeffrey P. Rosenfeld, Ph.D., Director, Hofstra University Gerontology Program
“Laurel Kennedy has the guts to tell us the straight story – that women are tasked with the often-overwhelming responsibility of elder care. The Daughter Trap shows why and how this has happened, and the economic and emotional toll this takes on our society.” -- Joan Toth, Executive Director, Network of Executive Women
“This is a wise and important book. As a daughter who was once caught in the caregiver ‘trap’, I urge daughters and other family members to read Laurel Kennedy’s new book. --Connie Goldman, Author, The Gifts of Caregiving—Stories of Hardship, Hope and Healing
“The health care dialogue in America has shortchanged the single biggest challenge on the horizon—elder care. The Daughter Trap takes on the medical establishment. --Robert N. Butler, M.D., Founding Director of the National Institute on Aging and the Department of Geriatrics at Mt. Sinai School of Medicine
“America is waking up to the fact that being a family gets complicated when old age enters the picture. Laurel Kennedy’s book offers clear-eyed answers to what can seem like unsolvable problems. --Dr. William Thomas, Professor of Aging Studies, the University of Maryland, Baltimore
“Helpful and hopeful. The Daughter Trap offers new ideas and covers the complexity and compassion of caregiving.”--Donna Butts, Executive Director, Generations United
“Urging caregivers of adults to stop suffering in silence, Laurel Kennedy calls for consciousness-raising, a movement, a spokesperson to carry the flag. We need men in on the act too. --Dr. Jacquelyn James, Research Director, Sloan Center on Aging and Work, Boston College
“Exceptionally well-researched and extraordinarily well-written, Laurel Kennedy’s The Daughter Trap opens and defines the discussion on one of the most important issues of the decade.” --Marti Barletta, Author, Prime Time Women: How to Win the Hearts, Minds and Business of Boomer Big Spenders
“The Daughter Trap will prove invaluable.” --Craig Ragland, Executive Director, Cohousing Association of the United States
About the Author
LAUREL KENNEDY is a nationally recognized expert on Boomer issues. Founder of the Boomer consulting firm Age Lessons, she has also worked as a senior executive with Edelman Worldwide and Ketchum for clients like Kraft, Kellogg, Pepsi, and Sara Lee. Kennedy has appeared on national television including CNBC and Comcast TV. She’s appeared as an expert witness in the Superior Courts, and as speaker before numerous industry and employer groups. She has won dozens of awards for her work, including the National Telly and Silver Anvil awards. She lives in Chicago.
Most helpful customer reviews
13 of 14 people found the following review helpful.
Unethical, stolen information
By Inkslinger
Ms. Kennedy acquired her information by going to support group message boards and taking posts without asking the posters if it was alright. Some of us have had personally identifying usernames and details published in her sham of a book. Many of us come from abusive families and now our abusers can find out what we've said about them in our support groups. Stealing other people's posts is not research. Ironically, Ms. Kennedy has only encouraged large groups of caregivers to boycott her book.
7 of 8 people found the following review helpful.
Misleading expectations
By JGrace
The Daughter Trap: Taking Care of Mom and Dad And You - L.Kennedy
According to the publisher's blurb this book will help women "successfully juggle caregiving, careers, kids, siblings and marriage on their own terms." I think not.
The book is very good at defining the problem and acknowledging the sacrifices made mostly by women. Fully half of the book is devoted to the ranting complaints of women taken from chat lines and interviews. I'm well aware of the burdens placed on families when disabled elders need care. And I have, from personal experience; no doubt that it is more often daughters who shoulder the burden. In stressful circumstances there is a true need to vent frustrations an avoid isolation. I was disappointed that this book provided little practical advice beyond publishing the problem.
Kennedy is clear about the need for a comprehensive infrastructure to support elder care. She offers some projected solutions for the not too distant future when the boomers we are reach the age of the parents we currently care for.Unfortunatley there is little concrete advice for those dealing with the problem now. Entire books could be written about limit setting and defining parameters of care and I found less than a chapter of workable suggestions. At best the book is a starting point as she does site numerous resources.
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
Not the Book for Trapped Daughters!
By Lisa
This book was being touted at my local library and I thought it might give me some strategies and solutions as caregiver for my 90 year old mother. I was wrong. The book is reasonably well written and does an acceptable job of describing the problem. If you are interested in the problem in the abstract or from an intellectual or sociological point of view, it will probably be useful. If however you are already in the trenches and desperate for practical strategies, it is a waste of your scarce time. For practical help, I strongly recommend "When the Time Comes: Families with Aging Parents Share Their Struggles and Solutions" by Paula Span.
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